I’ve tandem nursed with my most recent 3 babies (so my 3yo has nursed with her older brother, who is now weaned, and with her younger brother and they are both still nursing). There’s very little information about tandem nursing out there—I think most women who do it figure out their own flow. If you have experience (or questions), please share in the comments!
Today, I thought I’d share some things that have helped me with tandem nursing:
Adequate nutrition.
Nutritional needs are probably more than you think! Check out the Brewer’s pregnancy diet checklist and they recommend an additional 20 grams of protein and 200 calories per breastfeeding baby, and also read Real Food for Pregnancy by Lily Nichols for a more modern interpretation of the data for what to fill all those portions with.
Also consider other sources of energy, such as breath, sunlight, movement/piezoelectricity, and earthing because food is not the only thing that matters.
Singing, reading, snuggling, and finding other ways to connect with the older one(s) as they wean.
Elimination communication.
Babies are much more annoying to nurse when they are fidgety because they need to potty! Here’s an easy start guide from Andrea at Go Diaper Free if you haven’t explored this yet.
Firm, lovingly enforced limits for the older child.
A big one for me is the older one only can nurse at home, but I’ve heard from other mamas they have different boundaries.
With my “rule” enforcement, this means sometimes I leave events earlier than planned to go home as a way I can compromise while still doing what I feel I need to keep up my side of the nursing relationship.
Outdoor breastfeeding.
Sensory overload seems less outside, and also it seems easier for the older one to leave and start playing when outside when trying to shorten the length of nursing sessions.
Regular nursing of a singleton is nearly a full-time job, so doing it for more babies takes more time. It’s easier if you accept that fact and slow down to be present for it.
They don’t always get to nurse at the same time.
It’s actually only every few days probably that my babes nurse together at the exact same time - a “DOUBLE NURSE!” as my toddler loves to shout when it happens.
Most of the time, I nurse the baby first and the older one only nurses a few times per day and it’s on their own when baby is happy and with someone else.
Maybe night wean.
This is something I’ve experienced and talked with other tandem nursing mamas about how difficult it can be to nurse two when lying down and you feel like you are getting pulled in different directions. Usually, I don’t recommend night weaning because of the benefits of baby getting the night/day spread of breastmilk hormones to entrain their circadian rhythm until ages 2-3. But in tandem nursing families, it can really help everyone get more rest if the older one doesn’t expect to be able to nurse after bedtime.
Prepare in advance what your approach to social pressure will be if/when it comes.
Before embarking on this journey I didn’t know how much some (in my circle only a minority—but an outspoken minority!) would find tandem nursing abhorrent. Thankfully, most just think it is cute.
These are all just ideas and things that I’ve tried along this journey. It has been challenging but worthwhile! Here’s a photo I dug up showing the very first time I nursed two babies at once (and how sweet and special someone was able to record this moment for me):
My first ever tandem nursing moment 🧡
While I know all of what I have shared about tandem nursing from experience, I also am very much still working to find the balance as everyone grows.
Things I am struggling most with lately include finding motivation and time to eat as much as I know I need in order to feel good while tandem breastfeeding and feeling impatient and restless with my older child when they want to nurse more than I do.
I also still sometimes feel sadness around things I did in my mothering past that were hasty/urgent, like when I weaned my older son because I was so overwhelmed by tandem nursing.
I didn’t have the capacity then to give it as much time and thought to it as I would have liked (I also felt significant social pressure from relatives that impacted that decision).
I imagine I would do things differently now that I have more knowledge and experience about actually sufficient pregnancy/postpartum diet, rest, and so on.
And that is part of why I decided to share this all in a post. I have read and searched so much to find information from peers and books and the internet and nowhere really puts it ALL together when it comes to tandem. Of course this is not a comprehensive post either, but at least it’s a start and maybe a few things that might help another mama out.
And I’d love if you could add your tips and experiences if you have them, too!
So helpful! I only have one babe but I know we will have another in the next year or two and I hadn’t thought about tandem feeding, I think I assumed I’d only feed one at a time because that’s all I ever saw. It’s interesting you mentioning the social pressure because my little guy is 9 months old and we don’t have any plans to stop nursing but it’s interesting how people have already made comments to me about when I will stop or should stop. My husband and I really do so much that is against the grain it’s almost a full time job to maintain boundaries but also to have to ignore advice that I’ll never ever take lol
I’m so curious about your elimination communication journey ! My full intention was to practice that with my son from birth but after an unexpected birth and recovery I couldn’t take on that task (and it being winter) and now at 9 months I have him being in diapers ! It’s been hard to stick to teaching him to potty because I find I have to commit to being at home or somewhere where I can hold him diaper less and be able to manage any misses- once we are back home from road trip I will see to set an environment at home for us move away from the diapers.
Hi Aleksandra! I love chatting about elimination communication. It doesn’t mean I don’t have my baby in diapers! I do! What it means is I also help them void outside of their diapers. My set times are when they wake up, when I am changing a wet diaper anyways, and before bed. When I notice they are starting to go (especially if it is a poop) or if it seems like they are about to, I will take their diaper off and help them to the potty. When it’s all done, I put their diapers back on! I don’t like to actually remove the diapers from the routine until they are actually potty independent because it becomes so much harder to keep track of when they go and they can also develop bad habits of just going wherever and that is not at all fun. Yes, EC can be chilly in the winter, but in the summer the pee turns to ammonia much faster, so both have their challenges.
Hi Nikko! Thank you for sharing this as I did find it helpful! I have officially successfully weaned my 16-mo old off of day feedings but it’s the night feedings I’m struggling with...it’s rare she will nurse in the day - usually only if she’s been hurt or it’s a random occurrence per her request but it’s rare. Nighttime’s however, if I try to keep boob away or set some kind of boundary by keeping clothing covering the breasts or turning my back, it only works some of the time, the other times, she ends up crying and crying a lot /hard as if I’m abandoning her (this is how it feels and what the cry sounds like so I’ll usually give I ). I know it will be easier on me if I do wean her at night because another baby is on the way in about 3-4 more months! She will be 19mo when the baby arrives...but I don’t know what else to do...any suggestions for what I can do now at night? Or what I will have to do when baby 2 comes / things to try?
So, with night weaning, what usually works is getting out of bed and walking with them. The walking, shushing, bobbing, eventually usually gets them back to sleep. I did this while pregnant last time and I also actually let my girl eat my preggo nighttime snacks with me—she was a little older than your girl so I don’t know if yours has a full set of molars yet?—but we would munch on dried currants (sour!) and soft jerky and macadamia nuts and sip water. I kept a little pack under the bed. It was our little secret thing in the night while everyone else was asleep. Then, as she got used to it, I eventually took snacks away and she was actually super okay with it because we put a hard stop on eating/drinking in bed after she spilled tons of water and even she agreed that was a big bummer!
So helpful! I only have one babe but I know we will have another in the next year or two and I hadn’t thought about tandem feeding, I think I assumed I’d only feed one at a time because that’s all I ever saw. It’s interesting you mentioning the social pressure because my little guy is 9 months old and we don’t have any plans to stop nursing but it’s interesting how people have already made comments to me about when I will stop or should stop. My husband and I really do so much that is against the grain it’s almost a full time job to maintain boundaries but also to have to ignore advice that I’ll never ever take lol
I’m so curious about your elimination communication journey ! My full intention was to practice that with my son from birth but after an unexpected birth and recovery I couldn’t take on that task (and it being winter) and now at 9 months I have him being in diapers ! It’s been hard to stick to teaching him to potty because I find I have to commit to being at home or somewhere where I can hold him diaper less and be able to manage any misses- once we are back home from road trip I will see to set an environment at home for us move away from the diapers.
Hi Aleksandra! I love chatting about elimination communication. It doesn’t mean I don’t have my baby in diapers! I do! What it means is I also help them void outside of their diapers. My set times are when they wake up, when I am changing a wet diaper anyways, and before bed. When I notice they are starting to go (especially if it is a poop) or if it seems like they are about to, I will take their diaper off and help them to the potty. When it’s all done, I put their diapers back on! I don’t like to actually remove the diapers from the routine until they are actually potty independent because it becomes so much harder to keep track of when they go and they can also develop bad habits of just going wherever and that is not at all fun. Yes, EC can be chilly in the winter, but in the summer the pee turns to ammonia much faster, so both have their challenges.
Hi Nikko! Thank you for sharing this as I did find it helpful! I have officially successfully weaned my 16-mo old off of day feedings but it’s the night feedings I’m struggling with...it’s rare she will nurse in the day - usually only if she’s been hurt or it’s a random occurrence per her request but it’s rare. Nighttime’s however, if I try to keep boob away or set some kind of boundary by keeping clothing covering the breasts or turning my back, it only works some of the time, the other times, she ends up crying and crying a lot /hard as if I’m abandoning her (this is how it feels and what the cry sounds like so I’ll usually give I ). I know it will be easier on me if I do wean her at night because another baby is on the way in about 3-4 more months! She will be 19mo when the baby arrives...but I don’t know what else to do...any suggestions for what I can do now at night? Or what I will have to do when baby 2 comes / things to try?
So, with night weaning, what usually works is getting out of bed and walking with them. The walking, shushing, bobbing, eventually usually gets them back to sleep. I did this while pregnant last time and I also actually let my girl eat my preggo nighttime snacks with me—she was a little older than your girl so I don’t know if yours has a full set of molars yet?—but we would munch on dried currants (sour!) and soft jerky and macadamia nuts and sip water. I kept a little pack under the bed. It was our little secret thing in the night while everyone else was asleep. Then, as she got used to it, I eventually took snacks away and she was actually super okay with it because we put a hard stop on eating/drinking in bed after she spilled tons of water and even she agreed that was a big bummer!