When the berries don’t ripen
Miscarriage and recurring miscarriage
I remember when I used to feel relieved at my monthly cycle.
As a young woman, it seemed the worst thing I could do would be to get pregnant.
“Teen pregnancy” was always spoken of with such great disdain.
My straight-A self could not fathom getting pregnant—that would be terrible, I thought.
Not even when my body had those secret longings.
Now, my cycle has such a different significance.
The big change happened after the birth of my first child, at the return of my first postpartum cycle.
It didn’t feel like a cycle.
It felt like a miscarriage.
I grieved.
As I write this, I have now had as many (or more) losses as I now have children.
Speaking with other women, it seems the more pregnancies, the more losses.
It also seems the more pregnancies, the more the awareness of the losses.
It doesn’t matter if you already have children, the losses are felt to the very core of being.
In some ways, knowing what you are missing may make the experience all…
